"Dark of the Moon" is a step up, but that's not saying much (3/5)

I often get annoyed by film watchers who try and defend a film they covet (and that critics hate) with the simple phrase of “Geez, it’s a movie about an over-the-top fictional subject. It wasn’t meant for the Oscars!” With how much hate Transformers: Dark of the Moon is getting, expect to hear that phrase quite a bit for the next few months. Let me start off with saying that Michael Bay is a director who has a keen eye for filling a frame with visual panache. It’s just that Bay gets distracted by a shiny object off in the distance to the point that he loses focus on the story and characters that emanate from within.  Naturally, I expect those who love this film to offer me a rebuttal along the lines of, “It’s not about some amazing story! It’s about the robot on robot action!” No, everything is undeniably about the story. The action means absolutely nothing unless a story is present and logical within the film’s framework.  Hell, if story wasn’t significant, Bay and his team wouldn’t have even bothered with trying to craft one. Instead they would’ve released an hour long action fest to satiate those who like to watch big, combustible objects go up in flames.

But that’s not what happens. What we get is an overly complicated story that admirably tries to interject itself into historical moments, but often loses touch when it fails to balance its attempts to capture a robot war and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) getting his love life under control. The first half of the film is Transformer driven as the Auto-Bots work to stop the Decepticons from unleashing yet another topsy-turvy plan. From silly double crosses to an unnecessary scheme, especially when compared to the previous films, the war between the Auto-Bots and Decepticons spills onto US soil once again. They fight and fight, spitting cheesy dialogue that would surely embarrass the human characters if they weren’t constantly dodging explosions and trying to make a ho-hum joke.  Amidst the emotionless battle, Witwicky attempts to save his girlfriend Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) from her piranha like boss (Patrick Dempsey) and the Decepticons. It’s this love that shifts the film’s focus in the second half where the battle of Earth’s destiny takes a backseat to an undercooked love story. Bay and screenwriter Ehren Kruger would like us to believe that Witwicky is willing to search the destructive path of the Transformers to find his love, but their belief goes unrewarded. Their attempt at a rousing romance amidst a warzone is undermined by Bay’s incessant need to objectify women in his films. It takes only a matter of scenes for Bay to downgrade Whiteley’s character by opening up on a close shot of her ass. She’s certainly sexy, but by amplifying her physical prowess in spite of establishing her character, Carly becomes no more real than the CGI work that makes up the Transformers.

She’s just a piece of eye candy, which is no fault of her own, but Bay doesn’t do her any favors, nor his story. Speaking of objects, let’s get to the Transformers themselves. Seeing as this is probably the end of a trilogy, the screenplay makes no bones about eliminating our robotic heroes. Many Auto-Bots meet their demise, but they go quietly into the night. We’re supposed to be suckered into feeling for these metal warriors as they vanquish to the spiteful Decepticons, but once again, we don’t know them enough to really care. Each Transformer, although unique in their physical design, are surprisingly void of any personality. They’re all one dimensional outside of the always enjoyable Bumblebee, whose dog like earnestness and interesting form of communication gets the film’s only touching moment. In a film filled with visually sharp characters, only one possesses any emotional gravitas, and he’s barely in it. This lack of soul and significance spreads itself to the likes of Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson who show up merely for continuity and to exchange random government details. Despite the plot and characters acting like a black abyss, the film does reach a level of art that should be seen in some capacity.

Said art is the wonderful construction of the special effects. You really have to hand it to the SFX crew for the seamless effects they’ve have mastered over the course of three films. In one of the film’s more pleasing scenes, a serpent like robot destructively slips and slides through one of Chicago’s modern towers. The robot’s presence with a real landscape and the destruction it lays is honestly a marvel. Aside from one obvious case, Bay’s crack team of computer masters has made humans and giant robots exist on the same plane. That in itself is no small feat and is a benchmark in the history of film. Yet, terrific special effects don’t make a film. It certainly adds a significant attribute, but it’s not a crux. It’s easy for me to admit that Bay and Kruger’s attempts to streamline the story were successful, at least in relation to Revenge of the Fallen. But that’s like saying shit tastes better with a dash of whip cream. Otherwise, without that reference point, the film’s attempts are futile as Bay has made another film that only appeals to the eyes and ears.